(This blog is a condensation of our newsletter topics of the past month so is a little bit long)
MK/TCK (the children)
An MK is a Missionary Kid who has spent much time in a culture, land, and/or language that is not the same as that of their parents’ origin.
A TCK is a Third Culture Kid who may or may not actually be a Missionary Kid. Missionary Kids are considered to be TCKs, but children of diplomats and international business leaders also fall into the TCK category
Many times the child loses fluency in their parents’ language. Though the parents speak their familiar language at home, the children use the language of the surrounding culture or school a greater percentage of the time. They lose some of the meanings and use of certain phrases that may have been common to their parents.
Through continual exposure to the cultural norms they see every day, they may lose identification with their parents’ culture. This could include foods, celebrations, and activities.
The experiences of being sent to boarding school mark children at a more fundamental level than was previously acknowledged. Sometimes the feelings of abandonment and restriction create relational difficulties much later in life.
The tensions between parent and child which are age-related or generational viewpoints can be magnified in cross-cultural settings.
On return to the parents’ home country, the assumption is made by others that it is also the country of the children. The children may have trouble adjusting to or accepting the “native” country culture. Many times this leaves children feeling that they don’t have a place to belong.
Couples
Often, ministry couples spend more time counseling others’ marriages than paying attention to their own marriages. They may not seek help for themselves even when they realize the benefit they would receive if it doesn’t fit the image others have of them.
Here in the US, it seems to be more acceptable to pay for a gym membership for physical health than to pay for mental/emotional health through counseling. Ministry couples are often embarrassed to seek needed support.
Couples who want healthier relationships are worthy of admiration rather than criticism. It shows they want to progress toward wise meaningful decisions and keep their relationship healthy.
Getting counsel from an objective perspective can help bring balance back to their work and home lives. The couple can gain tools to strengthen their relationship as well as set some dreams and goals together.
Married couples in ministry need to come together before the Lord to forge a strong bond or they will be torn apart and defeated. They need time away from the strains of their work on a regular basis to maintain their focus on spreading the good news of the Gospel.
Singles
Although statistics vary, almost one-quarter of missionaries today are single, with women outnumbering men four to one.
There are both plusses and minuses to being a single person on the mission field.
The downside can include extra workloads, lack of social inclusion, taking care of errands and maintenance alone, and/or being treated as “less than” because they are unmarried.
The upside can allow more schedule flexibility, closer ties with locals, personal growth from learning needed new skills, and/or time for solitude.
The subject of marriage often comes up within the mission community and from the culture being served.
For women, this can mean being asked what’s wrong with them that they aren’t married, being seen as a threat by the married women, or being a target of the locals as “available”.
For men, this can mean difficulties with relating to household staff or unwanted attention or affection from a female missionary who may think God sent him there just for her (it happens!).
Sandwich Generation
Missionaries who have aging parents as well as grown children fall in this slot. Sometimes they need to return from their ministry location to take care of things with their elders. Though family members may help out, the level of duties required can become unmanageable.
Perhaps this is an area where we all could stop for a minute and consider what to be aware of and how to plan ahead. We’re all getting older. If we are blessed to still have our parents, they also are getting older and will need help.
Though conversations regarding future planning can be difficult, we all need to have them. It will save heartaches, headaches, and usually finances to have legal papers and plans set up far in advance of the time they’re needed.
It is even more critical for cross-cultural and overseas workers to make advance plans because they may not be available on short notice to take care of situations.
Those of us who are supporters, whether as friends, members of a sending church, or agency workers, can take a proactive role in helping our missionaries in this critical area.
The help they all need
Locating the right place with the right services at the right price can be a pretty tricky proposition. There are retreat centers, but not enough. Those that are available are often booked out far into the future. Sometimes budgets don’t allow for that much-needed time away to process and heal.
Missionary Support Network was formed with the purpose to supply hosted retreat opportunities to weary workers. Currently we are helping fund some whose budgets don’t allow them to meet even the minimal suggested donation amounts at a retreat center. Our future vision includes creating a retreat center to help increase availability of services to ministry leaders.
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